Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
