Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize