my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
