Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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