when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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