Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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