this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
