I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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