i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have post one night stand depression
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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