Operation Purity has been aborted
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
