We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
