He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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