About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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