well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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