i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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