dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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