South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
