i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize