My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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