I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
