One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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