Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
