Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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