so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
