windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
