Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
