Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
