Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
