Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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