I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
operation have a gay friend backfired
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
