my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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