If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
