Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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