i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize