Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
