I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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