So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
