Sponge bath it is.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
