too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
