Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
