The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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