I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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