And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
