Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
