Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
