I feel like abortions should bother me more
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
