can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
