my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
