I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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