I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
