It's Friday. Sex?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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