shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
