So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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