dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
