our cab driver is having phone sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize