I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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