Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
